Me: Your underwear is on backwards.
Silas: No, it's not. It feels good.
Me: How does it feel good? That is not possible. Please take it off and put it on the right way.
Silas: No. Don't want to. I like seeing Donatello.
Silas: I can see him. He is checking out my butt.
Silas: See? He is protecting my butt.
Silas: He likes it.
Me: Please put your underwear on the right way.
I let this one go. I step out of the bathroom to gather coats and hats.
10 seconds later
Me: Why are you throwing toilet paper in the toilet?
Silas: I went pee.
Me: You don't need to use toilet paper when you pee, only when you poop. Thanks for doing a great job, but you don't need any more toilet paper.
Silas: I do! Carly do it.
Me: You don't. Only girls need to wipe when they pee. Again, thanks for doing a good job, but stop putting so much in the toilet, you will clog it.
Silas: It needs it.
Me: IT DOESN'T NEED IT!!!!!!!
I grab the toilet paper roll and yank a foot of paper from the toilet bowl. Habitually, I then flush the toilet.
Silas: I WANTED TO FLUSH! I WANTED TO FLUSH!
Me: You can flush next time, c'mon, pull up your pants and let's go.
Silas: No, now I have to start over.
I breathe deeply and let this one go. I step out to take a phone call and get his boots and mine. Three minutes later...
Me: Let's Go Silas!
Silas steps out of the bathroom with his pants now on backwards.
Son of a bitch.
He is going to put those pants on the right way and now. Right now.
Silas exited the house with his underwear on backwards, pants on backwards, socks inside out, and boots on the wrong feet because those felt 'good' that way. After fifteen minutes of bickering, tears, and staunch stubborness, we left. Both of us fuming.
( Three plus minutes of wow.And eyebrows. I forgot the eyebrows.)
The next day, Silas completely dressed himself in the morning then de-winterized when he got to school. Shed the snowpants, coat, hat, mittens, and boots. My husband complimented his independence. While putting on his shoes, he clamored to my husband,"Mommy taught me how take my shoes off and on. She a good teacher. I know how. Mommy taught me. I do it."
Kris Kross gonna make you jump, jump....